


Six of Swords

by Ashimattack



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Well - Freeform, a hopeful ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 04:53:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29058555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ashimattack/pseuds/Ashimattack
Summary: “Okay but what is it symbolic of?” Akaashi realised he was somewhat frantic now, the buzzing had quickly turned to anxiety. He suddenly realised that maybe he had been feeling this way for weeks, months even. The look Kuroo gave him told him that maybe the other had noticed as well.“In a word.... it means patience,” Kuroo replied finally, “you may feel like you're stagnating. But taking the proper time to rest and recuperate is just as important as the grind. Actually, I think it might be more important.”Or: moving forward whilst still remembering who you are, getting lost in order to find yourself. Picturing a future and trying to make it happen. Starting again but never from scratch.
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou/Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 2
Kudos: 14





	Six of Swords

When Akaashi awakes, its to incessant buzzing coming from his phone on the table next to his head.

He slowly lifts his head from where it had been nestled into Djungelskog, blearily opens his eyes and takes in his loungeroom. The tv is still on, paused on the netflix loading screen, asking if he is still watching Kuroko no basket. He reaches out and attempts to grab his still ringing phone, but instead knocks his hand on the glass coffee table that's littered with mugs and bowls and tarot cards scattered about. When he finally looks down to actually look for his phone, he sees an upturned six of swords and scowls.

He vaguely remembers there being more chocolate wrappers out the night before, that have now mysteriously been picked up, there's also a fresh cup of coffee sitting before him.

He finally wrenches himself fully upright, picks up the coffee cup and gives it a sniff. It's his favourite and it is still warm, he must've just missed Tsukishima on his way to work.

He sighs, that's been happening a lot lately.

When he finally locates his phone he notes with annoyance that it was Oikawa who had been trying to call him all morning. He clicks “ignore” and starts to read through the myriad of messages he has received during his sleep. He ignores everything except the Snapchat icon, where he appears to have a message from everyone in the groupchat.

There's the usual morning message from Kuroo, today its a blurry evening skyline, Akaashi squints but can't figure out exactly where he is (he guesses that's the point) the caption reads “every ending is just a new beginning” he scoffs and moves on to the next one.

It's a picture of himself snuggled into the Djungellskogg with the caption “sorry sleeping beauty, you were too cute to wake”. Akaashi sighs and supposes its just payback, Bokuto had insisted on getting the oversized ikea bear for the couch, at the time Akaashi had just gone along with it but realised the value of such a thing the first time he caught Tsukishima napping on the thing in the afternoon sun.

The last snap is a video from Bokuto, of a dog that seems to be running around loose at his worksite. He closes the app and has a look at all the other push notifications.

There's a bunch of missed calls from Suga and Oikawa, with a few voice messages and frantic text messages mixed in, and a bunch of texts from Terushima.

He opens the messages from Terushima, they're a bunch of random job openings, most likely from places he has worked over the years if the “put my name down as a reference for this one” is anything to go by.

Akaashi shoots back a message saying they usually prefer a professional reference, to which Terushima instantly replies with “I'm a professional. Plus we've worked together before, remember that school holiday care place? We absolutely wrecked those ten year olds at laser tag”. Akaashi rolls his eyes but is secretly greatful for his friend's support.

He braces himself for a moment, then starts playing the messages from Suga out loud while he drags himself from the couch to the kitchen. He makes himself a mug filled with coco pops and starts eating it with a soup spoon. 

“AKAASHI OH MY GOSH I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT, PLEASE CALL ME BACK” there's a beep, followed by “Akaashi i'm sorry that was so aggressive, you just shocked me, please call me back.” another beep, and then a “Akaashi i'm gonna be aggressive again because I seriously can't believe you did that, are you crazy?” another beep, “I'm sorry that was mean, you did what you had to do and I respect you for it but please call me back?” beep, “You're a legend by the way. Stick it to 'em”

He sits on the edge of the couch in front of the balcony door and looks out over the city skyline. They hadn't gotten around to getting an outdoor setting yet, they had been waiting until they were a little more settled in but it had been months now. He tries not to think about how his new lack of income might delay the process further, but he knows the other two will probably just go ahead and get one regardless and cover the cost themselves. He knows they would never get angry or yell at him about this extra burden,, but a part of him kind of wants them too.

His musing is interrupted by the buzzer, letting him know there is a visitor waiting for him in the lobby. He sighs and goes over to it, sees Oikawa's face over the grainy screen, the poor quality doing nothing to diminish his good looks. 

“Answer your goddamed phone you asshole,” comes his crackling voice over the receiver, “or at least let me up.”

Akaashi doesn't answer but does push the button to let his friend come up, he quickly looks down at himself for a moment and considers taking a shower or something, but knows he probably doesn't have a lot of time.

His assumption is correct as not two minutes later there is a pounding at his door, he readies himself for a moment, knowing Oikawa will start with an onslaught of insults the second he opens the door, and lets his friend in.

“Oh my gosh Akaashi what the fuck happened to you??” Oikawa says in lieu of a greeting, barging into Akaashi's space, “seriously when did you last shower?”

Akaashi thinks seriously for a moment, about to open his mouth to ask exactly what day it was when Oikawa shakes his head.

“That's enough, the fact that you had to think about it is reason enough, please go shower.”

Akaashi shrugs and walks to his bathroom. Once he has the door shut behind him he takes a quick sniff to determine that Oikawa was right, he does stink. He grimaces and tries to avoid his reflection as he undresses and takes a shower. 

When he emerges five minutes later, clean and wearing fresh clothes for the first time in... a while... he finds Oikawa looking around appreciatively.

He whistles, “damn I always forget how swanky this place is. Can you even afford this anymore? I heard you were unemployed.”

Akaashi scowls, “how did you even find out so quickly?”

“Please, do you honestly think you can take a shit without someone in our network filling me in? We're too tight knit its disgusting,” Oikawa scoffs with a wrinkle of his nose, “speaking of disgusting, you really need more fibre in your diet.”

Akaashi ignores him and moves to the kitchen, looking for a mug that he can make Oikawa some tea in. He boils the kettle and looks back to find Oikawa studying the painting on the wall with intent.

It's one of Akaashi's, one he had painted before they moved into the house before this one. He remembers sitting out in the sun with Bokuto, each of them attempting to paint their futures. He had tried to draw a castle from memory, but it had somehow ended up looking like a bridge.

“Is the big tower meant to go in the middle, or is it two big one's on either side?” he'd asked because he couldn't quite picture it.

Bokuto had just laughed; “A castle is whatever you make it to be.”

Kuroo had insisted that they put it up on the wall, even though Akaashi hated it. He thinks back to how proudly it had sat on the wall of their old house, the one they'd stayed at for an extra few months after Kuroo left even though it was too big, like they were waiting for him to come back. He remembers how when they first moved here, it was an unspoken agreement with Tsukishima put it up on the wall, the only piece of art currently in the house.

In the present, he thinks of his discarded paint set, sitting somewhere in their linen cupboard. 

Oikawa grimaces when Akaashi hands him the tea.

“I don't want this,” he says, “come on let's go get lunch. We've gotta go help Terushima move and I can't do that on an empty stomach.”

–

The hanged man sat faced up to Akaashi, Kuroo looked at it with interest but Akaashi only felt dread.

“That can't be good,” he said but Kuroo just giggled.

“Nah, no card is inherently bad,” he said, “just like none of them are inherently good. They all have different meanings depending on when you pick them up, or if they're reversed. All of it is up for interpretation.”

“Reversed?” Akaashi had asked, skin buzzing a little.

“Yeah, the way they're facing. Which can be dependent on a lot of things, for example, how slippery the ground is beneath them,” he demonstrated by lightly tapping on the card so that it spun around to face the other way.

Akaashi looked down to see the card the way Kuroo had initially been looking at it, the hanging man now stood upright, he seemed to be smiling, carefree despite his imminent danger. Akaashi wondered how different the world must look from Kuroo's point of view.

“But what does it mean then?” Akaashi asks, the buzzing had caused a slight ringing in his ears, “like, for me, if I am a hanged man?”

“Well it's not you,” Kuroo replied easily, with a laugh, “you're not gonna be hanged, its just symbolic.”

“Okay but what is it symbolic of?” Akaashi realised he was somewhat frantic now, the buzzing had quickly turned to anxiety. He suddenly realised that maybe he had been feeling this way for weeks, months even. The look Kuroo gave him told him that maybe the other had noticed as well.

“In a word.... it means patience,” Kuroo replied finally, “you may feel like you're stagnating. But taking the proper time to rest and recuperate is just as important as the grind. Actually, I think it might be more important.”

–

“Hey you should come with me us to class tonight,” Oikawa says casually, over a shared bowl of noodles.

“Depends, what is the song?” asked Akaashi.

“Not BTS.”

“Not interested,” replies Akaashi, looking back down to his noodles.

“You've gotta branch out eventually, and this one is fun,” Oikawa says, “trust me.”

Akaashi thinks back to days they spent practising, thinks of recordings they made that they never shared with anyone, kept only for their own memories.

He thinks he might still have them somewhere, on his old laptop, the one that is falling apart, covered in stickers from the various bands that Semi had been a part of over the years. There's been at least 8, each with their own merchandise that Akaashi had steadily collected, putting new stickers on top of old ones until he couldn't tell where each began and ended. He thought of how they covered his draws and bookshelves, old shirts stuffed away into his cupboard, behind various outfits from different parties over the years.

Things he couldn't bear to throw away.

Maybe it was time to do some cleaning. He'd gotten rid of a lot when they moved, most of it really. But his thoughts drift back to the pocket in the front of his old suitcase, the one full of post cards from the different art museums he had visited. He wonders what happened to the him that collected them all those years ago, if holding onto those things made him strong or just proved how weak he really was.

He thinks back to the boxes he still has at his mum's place, filling the shed with old books from high school, all with doodles and notes written in the margins. Photos and drawings and everything else he can't look at yet, things hes not sure he will ever be ready to look at again. Each is drenched in memories, wandering hands and tentative kisses, soft hellos and even harder goodbyes. He thinks about how he never got the chance to apologise, thinks about how he never got the chance to forgive. He doesn't like having windows locked shut on him.

“I don't know. I've certainly got the time but I probably can't afford it. I can't even really afford this,” he gestures to the food, “I'm unemployed now, remember?”

“Pfft for a week tops," Oikawa scoffs, like the idea offends him, Akaashi is blown away by his quiet confidence, "you're insanely employable. You need to find a place that's right for you" 

"How can you be so sure?” Akaashi asks in a small voice, “How do you know I haven't just fucked everything up?"

Oikawa looks at him level, takes a moment as if choosing his words very carefully.

"I don't,” he says finally, “But I trust you, and i know what it's like to go to a job everyday that you hate. It kills you.”

“How is everyone being so supportive?,” Akaashi chokes out, realises he might cry, “why has no one told me I made the wrong choice?”

“Because it was yours to make, and I know what it's like to work a job you hate,” Oikawa replies, “Anything that gets thrown at you now, I know you can handle it, but continuing on like that ? It's rolling a rock up a hill everyday, it's getting your organs ripped out one by one and grown anew each night. It does more than kill you, it crushes your soul." 

Oikawa keeps talking but Akaashi gets caught up in himself, he is thinking about the last time they were at this restaurant, when Bokuto and Kuroo had attempted the crazy wing challenge and nearly been sent to hospital. He's thinking about yum cha. He's thinking about using the mirrored office windows in the centre of town to practice dance routines, random members of the public walking past and clapping a little at the spectacle.. He's thinking about turning the entire house into a dance floor, about (accidentally) turning it into a water park, about everything he's left behind and everything that's yet to come. He's thinking about that 6 of swords, promising him a new start if he can manage to dislodge this wedge that's stuck in his heart . He's thinking about calling his mum maybe. 

“Come on,” says Oikawa after paying the bill, “I told Teru we would be there an hour ago.”

–

“I'm not sure what exactly I'm supposed to be doing here,” says Akaashi from where he is sitting on the floor, playing around with his phone whilst Terushima and Oikawa attempt to dismantle a desk, “I'm not exactly helping.”

“I think Tsukishima just wanted you out of the-” Terushima's muffled voice is cut off by what Akaashi assumes is Oikawa giving him a swift kick.

“You're just offering moral support,” comes his cheery voice from underneath a large plank of wood.

“Why are you pulling furniture apart anyway?” asks Akaashi, it's weird to see how it all came apart so easily, he wonders if they'd be able to put it back together, if they'd even wanted to.

“So I can sell it, its easier to transport this way,” replies Terushima.

“Are they gonna be able to put it back together? Are there instructions or something?” asks Akaashi.

“Well, i'm pretty sure its from ikea, so there should be instructions somewhere online?” replies Terushima, sounding not very convinced, “anyway its pretty simple, the pieces kind of line up naturally.”

“Mmm,” Akaashi hums, not really listening anymore, hes looking around the room. Everything is in disarray, the kind that comes from being partway through moving, where everything is just haphhazardly placed around the room. Akaashi's eyes fall on an almost forgotten deck of tarot cards. Oikawa emerges from the pile of wood to catch him staring.

“Did you do a reading?” he asks and Akaashi shakes his head, then pauses and sighs.

“Yeah but its not use, I just kept pulling the six of swords,” he replies.

“That's a good card,” comes Terushima's voice from where he is still under the half pulled apart desk. Or half completed?

“No card is good,” replies Akaashi obstinately. Terushima just laughs.

“Well that's somewhat true,” he replies easily, “but some are definitely better than others. And the six of swords is one of the better sword cards to pull, especially when you're about to start something new.”

“Starting something again,” says Akaashi somewhat dejectedly, thinking of going back to the CRT company, working as a substitute teacher again for a while, wondering if he'd get to teach art again, “there's always something about starting again from scratch.”

“But you're not starting from scratch,” Oikawa cuts in, “every time you begin again you're bringing with you the wealth of experience you've already gained from everything you've already tried. You know how to teach, and you're damn good at it.”

“Yeah,” agrees Terushima, finally emerging from the fully dismantled table, “think about it like a painting, even if you start with a fresh clean piece, you're always bringing your own ideas into that empty space. The steady flow of your brush is delicate and precise, but only because of the memory already ingrained into your muscles. Because of the hours you've already put into practising.”

Akaashi pauses for a moment and thinks back to when he first started. Teru was right, his hand wasn't always steady, and he wasn't always great at bringing his thoughts into reality.

“Yeah it's the same with anything really, you build upon your experiences and practice,” tacks on Oikawa when it becomes apparent that Akaashi wasn't going to be saying anything for a while, “It's like with relationships, or Kuroo with his writing, or Bokuto looking at stuff through a microscope, or Tsukki doing whatever the hell his job is. Do something long enough and it will become a part of you, do it too long and it will consume you.”

Akaashi isn't really sure how to respond, so he settles for looking out the window.

–

“You should see how many stars there are out here Keiji!” comes Bokuto's muffled voice through the phone, even with thousands of kilometres separating them, Akaashi can feel Bokuto's excitement through the receiver, “Kei would absolutely love it! Is he home yet?”

Akaashi is back to sitting on his couch. They'd finished helping out Terushima and Oikawa had run off to his dance class, making Akaashi promise to come along next time if he was feeling better.

“No,” he replies, “he had to stay back late tonight, he was pretty apologetic about it.”

“As he should be!” replied Bokuto, it wasn't often that he got short with Tsukishima and his long working hours, Akaashi figures it must be because he was feeling guilty, “are you sure you don't want me to come back early? They can do this field work stuff without me.”

“No they can't,” Akaashi replies steadily, “please don't come back early, fieldwork is your favourite part and they definitely need you out there. I'll see you on Saturday anyway, it's only a couple more days.”

“I know,” Bokuto grumbles, “I just feel bad leaving you when you're like this.”

Akaashi swallows, his throat feeling heavy.

“I'm sorry by the way,” he grits out. The line goes silent for a bit.

“Why are you apologising to me?” asked Bokuto after a moment, in his gentlest voice.

“For being like this.”

“No, never apologise for that,” comes the immediate reply, “never apologise for being who you are.”

“But you should be angry at me,” insists Akaashi, voice rising now, “I've jeopardised you too. What if I can't pay rent? What if-”

“Don't say it like that,” Bokuto cuts him off, almost begging now, “you didn't do this lightly, I know you've thought this through and that you wouldn't have made this decision if you didn't absolutely need to.”

“but what if,” Akaashi's voice is barely a whisper now, “what if I've wrecked our future?”

“Sometimes the future looks certain,” replies Bokuto easily, “but when we try to make it a reality something gets lost in translation.”

In the distant, a siren can be heard. Akaashi wonders if it's an ambulance as he gazes out into the twinkling lights of the city, his astigmatism causing them to spark out in all directions. It was hard to imagine them doing anything else.

“At the end of the day, a bridge will stay a bridge,” continues Bokuto, “and you can try all you want to turn it into a castle, but you might just end up with a muddy water page. Sometimes it really is better to just start again with a new piece of paper.”

Another siren comes and Akaashi thinks it might be a cop car. He's reminded of the one that pulled up beside them the night he and Kuro sat shaking in the gutter. They must've been alerted by the wailing. 3Am and Kuroo howling into the a nightsky, looking for stars in a sky that just wasn't able to breed them in the same way. Tsukishima always told them about the ones out in the country, how they filled the sky so much more than they ever could in the city, that sometimes he felt like he didn't belong under this sky so devoid.

He was inside though, with Bokuto, cooling down after the screaming match. Akaashi had been the only one able to come down and try to calm Kuroo down, thanks to all his de escalation training from school. He tried to be cold and detach himself from the situation, so he could work properly, but it was just so hard when all he wanted was to scream himself.

'I just think I've lost a part of myself along the way,” Kuroo had whispered, his confession sounding a hundred times louder than the screaming from earlier, even with the wind catching it and taking it somewhere far away. He looked terrified but also like he knew he couldn't take the words back now, knew he wouldn't want to even if he could.

“I think I might need to go back, have a look for whatever I've left, and I think I need to do it alone.”

Akaashi remembers how the next day he had gone to work as usual, spent the entire day trying to pretend like he wasn't devastated. What he remembers the most is the moving forward, because he never really seemed to stop doing that now.

“Doesn't mean you didn't like the bridge,” In the present, Bokuto is still talking, “they're pretty and you can stay on them for as long as you need to, but you can't live there, you've gotta pass on eventually. Doesn't mean you can't look back at it, but the view of it will be different once you've reached the castle, things always look different when viewed from afar. Right now it might look like the biggest thing in the world, but that's just because you're still on it.”

Bokuto eventually says his goodbyes and Akaashi hangs up. Looks down to his phone and notices he's got two new messages, one is from Tsukishima, saying he was on his way home and that he is bringing Akaashi's favourite food. The other is a snapchat from Kuroo, a cow in the middle of a field somewhere that couldn't possibly be anywhere near the city Akaashi was currently residing in, the caption simply saying, “the air tastes fresher here.”

Akaashi smiles, puts down his phone and picks up a brush.

For the first time in months, he starts to paint.

**Author's Note:**

> Ah hello again, it's been a while. This is a sequel of sorts to Fragments, but the vibe is very different, I guess its reflective of where I was at the time, and where I am now? Sorry for all the symbolism and staggered thoughts pulled together, it might not make a lot of sense but I guess it's just where my head is at right now.  
> I haven't written anything in a really long time but, I just noticed that even after four years people are still leaving me kudos and comments on my old works, and it felt kind of warm? Thanks for supporting me and helping me to write again, I think I needed this.  
> I hope you find what you need too.


End file.
